🚨 BREAKING: Local man discovers $SHRT, wife leaves him anyway
⚠️ WARNING: $SHRT may cause excessive hopium and diamond hands syndrome
📢 LIVE UPDATE: $SHRT holders spotted buying more dip with grocery money
🎪 JUST IN: Professional investors confused by $SHRT success
💎 CONFIRMED: Diamond hands syndrome spreading faster than expected
🤡 REPORT: Man sells kidney to buy more $SHRT, says "worth it"
📉 ALERT: $SHRT holder explains red portfolio to children as "Christmas colors"
🏠 NEWS: Family loses house, gains diamond hands - "Fair trade" says dad
💰 UPDATE: Billionaire buys $SHRT, immediately becomes millionaire
🎯 BREAKING: Technical analysis shows $SHRT chart looks like crying face
🚀 EXCLUSIVE: $SHRT holders plan moon trip using portfolio as fuel
📱 VIRAL: TikTok dance about losing money on $SHRT hits 10M views
🍕 TRAGEDY: Man who sold Bitcoin for pizza now selling pizza for $SHRT
💊 HEALTH: Doctors report new condition - "$SHRT addiction" sweeping nation
👨⚕️ MEDICAL: Therapists report 847% increase in crypto-related sessions
😭📊💼
STOCKS
WTF is $SHRT?
$SHRT started as a joke. Then it 10x'd. We don't promise utility. We promise chaos. Every time someone shorts us — we get stronger.
Our Roadmap:
Phase 1: Create token
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: Lambo (eventually)
Disclaimer: We have no idea what we're doing.
"Better than my marriage"
"Finally, a token that matches my portfolio performance"
"My therapist says I have a problem. I say I have $SHRT"
"Lost my house but gained a community"
🏆 PAPER HANDS HALL OF SHAME 🏆
1st Place: Guy who sold Bitcoin for pizza 🍕
2nd Place: $SHRT early sellers
3rd Place: Everyone else
"Sold at ATH" - Nobody Ever
"Bought the actual dip" - Also Nobody
"Timed the market perfectly" - Literally No One
"Bought the actual dip" - Also Nobody
"Timed the market perfectly" - Literally No One
The Chart They Don't Want You To See 📉
+9,875% Since Launch 😎
-87% This Week 🤡
$0.000000420 and proud.
0
Days since last panic sell
847
Times we said "this is the bottom"
∞
Tissues used while watching charts
FAQ (That Nobody Asked)
Q: FAQ sounds like... FUCK. Coincidence?
A: That's the point. FUCK around and find out with $SHRT 🤡
Q: Is this financial advice?
A: This is the opposite of financial advice. This is financial chaos. We're basically financial terrorists.
Q: When moon?
A: Soon™ (Translation: When pigs fly, hell freezes over, and your wife comes back)
Q: What's the utility?
A: Making you question your life choices
Q: Is this a scam?
A: We're too dumb to scam anyone properly
Wear the Dip.
The Official $SHRT Tee
Made for the brave. Designed for those who held the line — or didn't. 100% cotton. 0% utility. Maximum chaos.
$19.90
Buy the Official $SHRT Tee
$SHRT is not just a token.
It's a psychological attack on short sellers.
You've seen the chart. You've laughed at the meme.
Now it's time to ape.